The Tovsky Tribe

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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Just Add Water!!

When Todd and I married 7 years ago, young (kids) adults madly in love, we looked out into the future and agreed to conquer the world together. But, first, we spent two weeks in Costa Rica. A time of bliss and joy, and South American rain forests. At that moment we didn't think life could get better.

While there we met another couple celebrating their marriage. They were our friends, instantly. Just add water!! If only all relationships were that easy!!  We spent several days together while away, including an amazing kayaking trip that ranks as one of our greatest moments. We knew, from then on, we would share more than just a wedding anniversary with them.
We kept in touch over the years. Had children on similar timelines. Visited one another at each other's homes.  Each time we reunited it was as if we had never parted ways. Even our kids had fun together.

They have since moved cross-country and we speak to them much less often, though we think of them a lot. We never ruled out a Colorado trip to go see them. Even ten years from now, we knew we would have been able to pick up right where we left off.  Or, so we thought.

Yesterday, we found out they are divorcing. Sad news for anyone who loves them, but of course for them.   No matter it being the right decision, it is never an easy one and the strength and courage that is required to come to it is certainly admirable.

I remember standing at the balcony of the Monkey Bar dreaming along with our new lifelong friends. Dreaming of, perhaps, owning that very bar one day.  Fantasies have a way of taking over when you're in paradise.  We had similar dreams of the life we were beginning and there was no reason to believe we'd follow separate paths.  You don't know when you take your vows that, though amazing, marriage can be very difficult.  Nor, when you imagine children, how trying, despite wonderful, raising kids can be.  Perhaps Todd and I are lucky to be on the other side of the statistics, lucky to still see what it was we fell in love with 14 years ago.   Perhaps we've been fortunate enough to change in stride of one another. Not everyone does. They loved each other once. Chose right, even if just at that time.

I spoke with Her today. I am amazed by her. By her strength. By her class. By her dignity. I don't know if I could make the same decisions, the wise ones that she is making, which go against her emotional state but are aligned with her values, if I were in her shoes. She is a true role model.

We all have best laid plans for what we think will be our life. Then a wrench is thrown. A lost job, infertility, illness, divorce....whatever.  It's what we do with the wrench that defines us.  Life gives you a tool, you use it.

Things change.  People change.  But not everything has to, not everything does.  She will be great.  The kids will be fine.   We will still be friends.  Life will go on.  Dreams will still be made!  And, perhaps, even come true!!!

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