The Tovsky Tribe

Chocolates, Cocktails, Friends, Babies...A Girl Should Never Have Just ONE!!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Don't Talk to Strangers!

This is what I have noticed more than anything else being the mother and immediate caretaker to twins: When in public, everyone stares, most people smile, and a lot stop to talk. The first question, with the most obvious answer, is are they twins? This used to crack me up....but since it starts 90% of the conversations, I guess the question is not that stupid?? My answer, always the same, YES, then triggers stories of other people's twins, how they are a twin, or a grandparent, mother, aunt, friend, sister, etc. of twins. Perhaps I should say NO to the question next time, just for fun, and see where that conversation leads. Anyway, the conversation continues and within it is always at least two inappropriate and personal questions, usually being 1. Are there twins in your family or were these fertility? and 2. Did you breastfeed them? Let me remind you that I do not know these people...they are mere strangers passing me in the aisle at the supermarket. I always answer these questions, then wonder why I felt the need to be so honest. Perhaps, anyone with a baby, one baby, receives such an inquisition, but my experience is only with two. This was a bit surprising to me in my first public appearances, as I never made it a practice to ask strangers questions about their lives.
I understand, to a degree, the fascination with twins, and perhaps a "your babies are beautiful" and even, "what are their names" may be reasonable, but does it not cross anyone's minds that I have two babies to tend to, and I do not have time to waste talking to strangers?
Amazingly, and despite the fact that Chase and Ryder are no longer squishy faced infants, these same strangers seeing my boys for the first, and likely, last time, always think they are identical twins. When I say NO, they are not, they ask if I am sure, and then tell me how much they look alike. I always answer in kind, in order to be a good-natured and polite role-model to my boys, and tell them I am positive they are not identical. I point out the not-so-subtle differences in their appearances and these strangers usually disagree with me. Which is fine. These are the same people who offer advice about how the babies are probably cold because one inch of skin is showing and it is flurrying outside, or how it is going to be so hard when they start crawling, walking, running in different directions and I may want to hire help. I think what I want to hire is a person who has to have these conversations for me. That would be a help!! In a world where we are taught over and over NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS, its a whole new set of rules when toting twins.
Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate people noticing the boys. When they notice Chase's dimples, or Ryder's eyes, their heads of hair, or how well-behaved they are, I feel an immediate sense of pride. I grin with delight when they say hello and Chase begins his flirting and Ryder casts a smile. I am thankful when they offer kind words, as nothing makes a mother more proud, and it is these kind words that has me stopping for the next stranger, just one aisle over, and beginning a whole new conversation again.

1 comment:

The Pierce Posse said...

I love that they have hair! I wish Sawyer would start growing some. Knowing the comments I get, I can only IMAGINE what kind of comments you get in the grocery line. Dimples! I'm jealous. I was hoping Sawyer would have them like Justin, but so far no go.