Back to School and I have no Rope

Today is the first day of school.  This year I send off two fourth graders; neither of which look like the same kid who went off to third grade now that they have broader backs and hairier legs, both of which are really excited to be a part of the "upper classmen" (despite being the youngest grade of that echelon.) I am also sending a happy go lucky first grader who is thrilled to be in the same school, all day, with his "upper classmen" brothers.  It's another back to school, not exactly the same yet very similar to all of the other first days I have had for the past 8 years since Chase and Ryder began as little pre-schoolers in the 2's program.  I sent them off like it was no big deal, not even aware of where their classrooms were physically located, not even sure of their classroom numbers. Yet, none of them cared. They didn't even ask. Big men on campus can find their own way.

So, I am making like it is no big deal, and yet, inside of me, my heartstrings are getting tugged. I wish all of that tugging was an effective abs exercise. It's not!  It should be a momentous day.  I should be, like all the other moms, writing fancy signs on chalk boards and engraving Turner's first day of first grade permanently into facebook memories.  No signs or to do necessary it is permanently tattooed in my memory, for sure.  Really, what I should be doing is tying my kids to the very tree we took pictures in front of and not letting them go.  Not ever.  Because I have a baby in first grade and that just seems wrong. And, way too fast.  And, because, I have 9 year olds who are sprouting into their tween years without looking back, practically without a wave goodbye.  And, because I look at Decker and see his mostly toothless grin and his drool, and know that  before too long he will be on that bus, his brothers "catching rides" to high school with their buddies, and I will have wished I did tie them to the tree.

Believe me.  They needed to go to school.  The hours between Friday and today seemed nearly endless as the boys bickered over everything.  Anything.   "My half of bagel is smaller than your half of bagel."  "NO, I got the shorter haircut.  It is SO shorter than yours." "I am not taking the first shower, you go first," to name a few.  But, there were more.  So.  Many. More.  And, each time, the bickering got louder and echoed more in my ears, I wished a bit harder for Monday to get here.

But, here it is.  And, off they went.  As they do.  With little thought beyond seeing their friends again, and who will they sit next to in this new class.  On to the bus their biggest gripe was that Turner still has two recesses while the twins, upper classmen that they are, only have one.  Off they went.  And, I held my baby and watched them go, grateful they would be apart from each other for the day and sad, so sad, they would be taking another step forward, further away from their childhood. And, from me.

I'd never hold them back.  I am raising them to do exactly as their doing. And, yet, I look at them go. I feel the tug on the heartstrings (still no work on the abs), I look at the tree, and I do sort of wish I had some rope.

Kindergarten!

I am not usually a basket-case.  There is a long list of things you can call me: forgetful, sarcastic, late, to name a few.  But I am normally not a basket-case.  I don't tend to get worked up over little things and I often assume things are going to work out as they are supposed to.

Chase and Ryder started Kindergarten on Tuesday.  It was one day late due to the aftermath of Irene.
The night before (really, weeks before) the excitement started to build.  The boys went to bed hours past their bedtime because they couldn't stop jumping on their beds.

They picked out their clothes.   Ryder had picked out his clothes weeks in advance and was so excited that he could wear a tie on his first day.   Then laid in bed, together, apart, together, apart.   They did finally fall asleep.  I don't know what time.  They did sleep in separate beds.

The morning of I had a glimpse of what high school would be like since I had to wake them up.  When I did, Ryder rolled over, pulled his blanket over his head and gave me a groan that sounded like a dying frog.  Chase took a moment, a slow moment, then smiled and jumped out of bed, needing to be the first one ready.

The boys dressed themselves, wet, combed and gelled their own hair.  Their hair looked much better than my bathroom.  After a breakfast they didn't eat they ran outside for some pictures before heading to the bus stop.  The bus was the biggest part of their excitement.  Riding the big yellow school bus that, somehow, still, in this day and age, you can get away with riding without seatbelts, is a a huge milestone into big boyhood and that was, probably, the thing they were most excited for.

They rushed onto the bus, in front of the big kids, they never gave me hugs, not kisses, not even goodbyes (though, Chase did turn around and wave....to Todd!)  And, they were off.

And something didn't sit right for me.  Maybe it was that my babies were now in Kindergarten.   Maybe it was that they, for the first time, were being separated in school.  Maybe it was that my son was wearing a tie to school, on his first day of Kindergarten, and I feared he may get beat up.  Maybe it was knowing my boys were growing up, quickly, and didn't want to hug their mommy anymore.

In the end I think it was mommy's intuition for the fiasco that was about to happen.

The bus stop to school is right in front of our house.   This is a convenience that I know will prove its worth time and again as the years pass.   Their bus stop on the way home is at Ohev Shalom.  This is because you can only choose one stop and the boys will be doing enrichment there three days a week.  Ohev does not start until next week.  I told the boys several times that they were to go there after school and that I would meet them.  Yet, I was nervous.   I called the school to verify that this was the proper arrangement.  That they would, indeed, be dropped off at Ohev even though school was not in session.  They told me that was ABSOLUTELY the case.  In an out of character moment, I called twice, not convinced this was going to run smoothly.

I arrived at Ohev at 11:05.  The bus was not expected until 11:50.  I wasn't having a dyslexic moment...I was just nervous and arrived early.  Very out of character.  While waiting for those 45 minutes I paced.  Paced.   I was starting to think my body had been taken over by someone who didn't fly by the seat of her pants.  It turns out, I had reason to be nervous.  I knew what was going to happen before it did.   The bus driver did not drop the boys off at Ohev.  Even after I called a third time and they told me to stay put.    
It was 1.5 hours before I found my sons, my new kindergartners.  It was 1.5 hours later that I picked them up at Richboro Elementary School.  It was 1.5 hours later that I turned into a complete basket-case.

Like I said, I am not usually like that.  Perhaps it was the final straw on the not-so-great year we have been having.  Or it could have just been that my kids were lost for over an hour when they were under the care of their school.   It's just not supposed to happen that way.

In the end, we are all over it.  The boys recovered much faster than I did, as usual.  I had never been so grateful to have twins as I was during that mess, thrilled that they weren't alone for what they said was a "very long bus ride!"

Although this is a first day of Kindergarten I will not soon forget, for them it was an otherwise great day.  They both seemed happy with their teachers and their classes.  Neither of them seemed to be upset that they were separated.  They each made a new friend.  And, they both came home telling stories.  Particularly Ryder, who had much more to say on the topic than chatterbox Chase.

I hope they have a fantastic year.  I hope they make new friends and learn a lot.  I hope they carve their own paths and mold their own interests.  I hope that there is never another bussing snafu again.  I am not sure I can handle it.

Boys, you may be the little guys in the big school but you'll never be the little fish.  I have no doubt of all that you will be and all that you will accomplish and this is just one small step towards all that you deserve.  I am so very proud of both you and I love you so!!!

Not sure if this video portrays their actual excitement, but.....