A Princess Story

Today is the Royal Wedding. It also happens to be my birthday which somehow, or so many other people have told me, makes my birthday a sort of holiday. Frankly, I don't get it. I don't get the correlation between the two and I especially don't get the months of chatter, set my alarm, grab me the box of tissues, overkill fascination with the couple. Everyone is just so excited to see how she looks. SPOILER ALERT: she looks beautiful! Don't need to tune in in the middle of the night to know that. What bride doesn't look beautiful? Particularly one who starts off good looking. Oh, and has a gazillion dollar budget?
No one wants to see what William looks like. Mostly because, who cares about a groom (wink wink,) even a Prince is outdone by a bride, but possibly because he isn't too good looking. Which, is why of course, he is the King-to-Be that pretty much guarantees he got girls at a young age. And, that's how you score a hot Kate Middleton.
The story goes that Kate Middleton, the commoner, a millionaire commoner but one all the same, was choosing between elite private schools when her mother, a no fool commoner, remarked "if all else is equal go to St. Andrew University. William is going there and you have as good of a chance as any!"
I laugh at this for many so reasons. That's a Disney Princess story yet to be told.
You will laugh at me, likely, when I say I never dreamt of marrying a Prince. Becoming a Princess. Oh, imagine my clumsy hands, my rounded shoulders, my gaseous belly being addressed as Lady Wendy. It just wouldn't work.
I never dreamt of horse-drawn carriages, which is lucky since my prince of choice can't get within a few feet of Secretariat without going into anaphylactic shock.
I never dreamt of the glass slipper nor the sprawling castle. Even knowing I would have a staff to clean the crannies of the place, all that SIZE, all of the rooms, it is just too much to handle.
Nah, I never dreamt of being a princess. Perhaps this is why I don't have daughters. Although I do believe, totally, that my sons are Princes and they are evidence that birth right is only part of the princehood equation.
This is not all to say I never dreamt as a kid. Nor that I don't as an adult. Sure. Don't you know that my 4th home is going to be on the grounds of a vineyard I own in Napa Valley. The third is undecided yet, but is likely tropical.
That's right. My housekeeper(s) have finally tackled my laundry problem. And my clutter issue. My staff-accountant pays all of the bills.
My husband, my children, and I will have to return your message at another time because we are jet-setting.   Again.  You really should see Zimbabwe.  Add it to your bucket list.

Wait, maybe I did dream of being princess?! Do you think the royal family would mind if I wear flip-flops to the dinner table?