The Tovsky Tribe

Chocolates, Cocktails, Friends, Babies...A Girl Should Never Have Just ONE!!

Thursday, December 21, 2006


A few nights ago I watched a ridiculous game show. You may have seen it. It was called Identity, hosted by Penn Jillette. The concept is to size up 12 people just by looking at them. You are given 12 identities which you must match to the strangers before you, based on appearance only. When it first came on, I was interested in finding out if that was really all the game was about. Once I found out it was, I had to keep watching, but I am not sure why. Some of the Identities, just so you understand, were BORN IN TOKYO, WORTH OVER 100 MILLION, ARMY RANGER, RUSSIAN IMMIGRANT. Surprisingly, the contestants that I saw did pretty well, getting many, if not all, correct.
This got me thinking. If I went on the show what would be my identity? Most likely I would be "NEW MOTHER TO TWINS." I think the contestant would correctly seal my identity, based on the extra weight around the middle that I may NEVER lose, the casual, sporty clothes, probably stained from spit up, the hair in the pony tail...are these not part of the classic new mom look? Perhaps, they are just a part of my look.
I do think, however, that I am not alone in saying that once I became a mom, that became my identity, first and foremost. We may all do, and be, other things, but we are all Mom's first! Are our identities now just tiny pieces of the self we once were, and the remainder a compilation of our kids?
I know I had a life prior to July 7, 2006. I know I had a life before December 5, 2005. I can say with total confidence that it was a good life, that I was happy, and that I had a great time. Yet, oddly, it feels as though I can't remember a time when I was not a mommy. I can't remember my life without my baby boys.
It's not that all the hobbies or passions I had pre-parenthood no longer exist. Its just that they seem to fall way down the priority list. Your children become first, your marriage is second, your children are third and fourth, then there is the daily responsibilities of keeping house, and suddenly you are so far down the list you lose count.
I have been trying to read a book for weeks. It's a pretty good book and I was once an avid reader. But, in the few minutes of spare time that I have these days I prefer to watch tv. I admit it!! In this age of dvr, I can watch my favorite programs at times convenient for me.
I know I loved to eat out often, enjoy a cocktail, socialize with friends. I am pretty sure I did this quite often pre-parenthood, and as a result was able to maintain ties with friends from way back when. Now, I still love to eat out, and still love the cocktails, but I go out far less often making it more difficult to keep those distant ties strong.
I recently got in touch with an old friend. When asked what was going on with my life, it was simple "I am married and have 5 1/2 month old twin boys." Wife, Mother, that is the identity that suits me. I am ok with this. I am really proud of my sons and am lucky to have them as part of my identity. And, I know, that when I do get moments to myself, time to do whatever it is I love to do, I will do it with gusto. I will have a great time, I will enjoy the moment, I will laugh and enjoy my friends, and all along I will continue to be a mommy.

1 comment:

The Pierce Posse said...

Great Blog - I know exactly what you mean. - Reid