Happy Birthday to Me!

For a while I had a post every birthday.  Every birthday of mine and each of my children.  Then, as many things have in the last few years, they stopped.  So, here I am, at the very stroke of my 39th birthday, a little over 2 hours before I arrived in the backseat of a police car nearly 4 decades ago, I write myself a birthday post.

This was my last one, two years ago.

Life hasn't been all I dreamed of the last few years which may or may not be related to my lack of writing.  There is no real way to tell.  But, it is still life, my life, and documenting it, for better or worse, seems important.

I went back to work 15 months ago and truly enjoy my job everyday.   Mike is an awesome boss, my co-workers are pleasant, my commute is short, and I enjoy the work.  For these reasons I am very lucky, and I know it.  If I could just make some more money, I am all set.

The boys keep me as busy as ever and the hustle and bustle is actually something I enjoy.  Sure, I miss sitting on the couch here and there, and even more so, I miss writing on a regular basis, but I know that time is fleeting, that what seems long, is passing me so fast that I better embrace it before this period of my life is gone forever.  So, I do.  I love watching Chase play his many sports.  I love watching Ryder embrace his creativity and his passions. I love watching Turner turn everything into a happy, good time.   I really do.

The first half of this decade were some of the best years of my life and the second half have been some of, well, not my best.  And, that sure puts things into perspective, doesn't it?  Every rose has its thorn. Ying/Yang?  What goes up must come down.   Such is life and it's important that we all remember that.

With all the things I would change if I could, there are just as many, if not more, that I wouldn't.  It may be tough at times but it seems like a fair sacrifice to have the many blessings that I do.

If I could make one wish (and, well, since it is my birthday, I guess I can) I wish to get back to the core of who I am.  I have compromised my own beliefs and that is my biggest regret.  Mistakes will be made, learning from them is a must, but staying true to yourself should be a requirement.  A requirement I may have not followed through on.  So, that is my wish for myself as I begin this last year in my 30's.   Before I start a whole new decade this time next year I wish that I can do so as the truest version of Wendy, the essence of myself, as a 40 year old woman.

It's weird being 39.  I am not sure where time went nor how I got here.   I feel my age in that my hips hurt, I am tired, and I have spotted a few gray hairs.  But, in so many more ways I still think of myself as a kid at times, and many times I feel like ten years were just skipped over.

I try not to think about what 39 is supposed to be or even how I imagined it would be and just focus on what it actually is....which is not so different than 38.  Or, even 37.  At least not yet.

But, today is my birthday, I will celebrate it as we do, with my boys and my husband and I will look around, contented, knowing that this is my life.