The Tovsky Tribe

Chocolates, Cocktails, Friends, Babies...A Girl Should Never Have Just ONE!!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Friend-ship sailed

I am on the train to New York City. I am amongst the late commuters who do this daily. The parking attendant, in the distant lot F, laughed at me when I asked why I couldn't park in the garage. "That's all full dear!" He said, chuckling. I forgot it is a Tuesday morning.
I am going to New York, sadly, for a funeral. My friends Aunt died. A close aunt. Her mom's sister! When I think about how that relates in my own families I shiver.
I am doing this trip alone because the friend I normally travel to NY with for such events and the friend I am going to see are no longer friends. And so, it has me thinking a lot about friendship.
I have always taken the role of "friend" seriously. I try to be the best friend I can be, always. But, still, it is always in my own way,the best way I know how. That is what I expect in return. Sometimes, unfortunately, the best someone has to offer is not enough, or is too much, for another person and that is when things can go awry.
Maintaining friendships over years, decades, is hard work. Lives are busy and it can be a total scheduling conflict to see your best friend. Friendships are sometimes lost by a slow and gradual drift, one which leaves no hard feelings but still a friendship becomes no longer. Other times, as in the case with my two friends, something circumstantial happens that one or both parties feels too much pain, or hassle, or betrayal, or all to overcome and the friendship is buried hastily and forever.
I've had severed friendships. I am not proud of this but it has happened. Most lost friendships, in my case, are the usual spread over time and, though sad, I know that if I were to see any of those people right now it would be business as usual, hugs, kisses, and laughs!!
I've also had relationships severed because nothing good comes from the friendship anymore. It is no secret that not all relationships are meant to last forever. And so, you move on. It is sad but what I am finding is it is less sad for the splitting friends than it is for the people they have in common. The splitting friends are making the conscious decision to go separate ways whether on good terms or not, those of us around the departed are left to deal with awkwardness of remaining friends with both, of trying not to choose sides, and with having to now, ride the train to NYC solo to pay funeral respects.
Friendships, relationships, are complicated things. You think they are personal, which they are, but is amazing how every relationship between two people actually has a direct effect on a whole circle of people around it.

No comments: