The Tovsky Tribe: A Letter to my Son on his 11th Birthday! (Ryder)

Dear Ryder,

Happy 11th Birthday

I admit it. I was not still not used to the idea of you being double digits and, yet, you are now 11. Full-fledged in the middle of the tweendom, actually closer to heading on out of that phase.

We celebrated your birthday in many fun ways. It began with a pancake breakfast before camp and then going to see the opening day premiere of Spiderman Homecoming in the highest audio and video quality possible, thanks to Uncle Rob. (Sidenote: Uncle Rob has a similar passion for both superheroes and technology as you do.) Quinn joined us for this movie as well as dinner. The next day, after sleeping in (it's hard to be 11) and some swimming, we took a small handful of yours and Chase's friends to Treehouse World, where you played Archery Tag (awesome!); Rock Climbed up very tall trees, and ran through a park filled with tree houses, swinging bridges, and rope swings. It was a fun day. Then, we had the usual suspects spend the night. On Sunday, we celebrated your birthday and Pop-Pop's with the whole family. It was wonderful.

Happy 11th to my favorite twins

Pancake breakfast

Spiderman: Homecoming

Cargo climb at Treehouse World

Archery Tag

Tree "rock" climbing

The boys

I am not sure that on the day you were born I could have imagined what 11 would actually be. There's no way that I would have guessed that one year into your second decade you would be almost as tall as me (59.5 inches), weigh nearly as much me, and have a foot that is larger than mine (size 7.5). I did not imagine that we would be sharing hoodies, flip-flops, and iPhones (this is a point of contention and a big part of your negotiation as to why you should have your own.) It's true that by the time you were a toddler it was obvious you were full of imagination, abound with creativity, intensely passionate, and loaded with an energy that was hard to keep up with. We learned then that if we allowed you space to run you would never go further than the eye could see, but if we tried to hold you close you would fight us until you could run off. But, we could not have guessed how all of that would translate into an 11-year-old version of yourself. Because, even though you're still very much the same kid you always were- creative, smart, sensitive, kind, energetic, stubborn, and still in need of a reasonable amount of freedom- you are not a simple description. You were never typically molded and are not easily classified. You are not black and white, but instead, a million different shades of every color. You've always been and continue to be interesting and dynamic and varied, layered with many different interests and passions, and you often leave all of us who adore you having to guess what's next.

Ryder, my superhero, you are the kid who sits in his room (which has walls painted in a true red), on the bed that is surrounded by skateboard images and a display of your own artwork, wearing your lacrosse jersey while comfortable beneath a Phillies blanket, playing your electric bass. You don't fall into one category like most kids your age; not a jock, nor a skater, nor an artist, nor a musician, nor a rebel- yet, almost like patchwork, you are all of these things; a composition of so many unique and interesting talents. You are a sensitive poet and a physically strong athlete. You are wired with kinetic energy yet love to sit and read. You are a deep thinker, an out of the box thinker, and have a great sense of humor. You can be quietly drawing or challenging gravity at a skate park, both with equal determination. You are tough, and brave, yet endearing and sensitive. You are, literally, a kid who can find love anywhere, spotting heart shaped rocks, leaves, and erosion carvings everywhere we go. I call you my Superhero because you truly are. You have been a hero more than once, running to the rescue of Decker, or a friend, or an animal on any occasion that presents itself. And, like many of your favorite heroes, what you present on the surface is just the very beginning of who you are. To know you is to explore the depths of you, and Ryder, you are fascinating.

Just finding a little love in the grass

You are a loyal friend, a trait that does not go unnoticed by those that are lucky enough to have you as one. And, there are many. Your friends are widespread and of all different types. Your fun and energetic ways make you a friend amongst friends, just as your caring and sensitive ways make you a friend to those who could use an extra one.

This past year we celebrated Delaney's bat mitzvah which was a wonderful time for us all. Also, you played basketball, began bass guitar lessons, learned to Olly on your skateboard, and started playing lacrosse. Lacrosse is a different and fun sport and you enjoyed playing it. You read many books, drew many pictures, and have started writing songs. 5th grade was a successful year. Mrs. Cicchiello was an awesome teacher for you and, as many before her have, embraced your talents and explored your depth. As with most things, you didn't always make it easy to understand your academic ways. You are not a typical student (of course) and find standard learning from worksheets boring. You will master a topic but not show it in your test scores. You claim to hate math, yet ended the school year with an E in said topic. Or, you will skip answers on a test but can explain the material to your classmate with perfection (as told to me by Mr. Benson.) You love to keep us all guessing, and it takes a team of us (teachers, support teachers, dad and I) to develop plans that allow your intelligence and your creativity to flourish and prosper within the standard public classroom. This past year, in an effort to build your own confidence in your academic competency, and because of your ability to help a person in need, especially younger children, the idea to assist a first grader with math became a part of your customized academic program. This was something that you absolutely loved. Helping Jackson every Friday was a highlight of your school week. All of your teachers have said how you would make an amazing teacher one day. You were chosen by the teachers as part of the Conflict Mediator group (though I have yet to learn what you really do for this) and you are a part of Student Council on the Art team, you were in the chorus and in the school play. You also did the Science Fair with Jake and were in the district Art Show. You always stay involved with Richboro Elementary. You find many ways to succeed within the school walls.

science fair

art show

Delaney's Bat Mitzvah

Although you haven't worn a Superhero costume in many years, nor have you played with an action figure pretending to save the world from villains, you remain to be a self-proclaimed "superhero geek" and are extremely knowledgeable on all the facets of the heroes, their worlds, their powers, their villains, and their back stories. You'll even chuckle at me when, thinking I have learned something new, I inquire "Ry, did you know...." and then you'll remind that you read up on everything there is to know. Because of this diligent research, when we went to see the very gory, very violent, yet emotionally touching R-Rated Logan, and I asked you if you were scared at all when Logan was decapitating the bad guys with his Wolverine claws you said, "Mom, I know everything about this story and what is happening, it isn't real, there is nothing to be scared of." I mean, I know you're right, mostly, but c'mon, Logan literally took off a head in the very first scene of the movie. Lol. However, it was a great movie,(in fact, it is your favorite movie that you have seen yet, with Spiderman: Homecoming in second) that got us both a little teary by the end.

I don't know when and how you do all the "research" that you do (it is clearly internet based) but you have a similar knowledge about Green Day, your all-time favorite band, and each of its bandmates. As well as Skate Boarding, and many other of your interests. You do not take an interest of yours lightly. No, you fall in love with it completely and put forth a passionate devotion to learning about it. I hope this continues to be the way you do things and that you find a career to be passionate about with similar fiery. (And, it wouldn't hurt to be this passionate about school work:)

Your favorite TV show is The Flash; (though we love to watch both Survivor and America's Got Talent together as a family.) And, you laugh almost as hard as I do when we get to watch an episode of The Goldberg's. Your favorite books series is The Magisterial Trials (though you also really liked the I Funny series by James Patterson; your favorite movie (as previously mentioned) is Logan; your favorite band is Green Day. Your favorite sport is a toss-up between basketball and lacrosse, both of which you play in an organized league, but it is skateboarding that you like to fill your free time with.You love to take a bike ride, scour You-Tube, climb trees, go fishing, and play tag. Your best friends are Ethan (who is like a brother) and Aidan and Jake, and your favorite color still remains to be red. You love to write books and songs and comics.

This year you had your first camping trips, the first being with Ethan and Chase and GP, the second two being with our family and some friends. You went on journeys on your bike, through Tyler and the neighborhood, and fishing trips that lasted all day long. You went to Cape May for a week with a friend. You have certainly had a year full of memorable moments.

Your tenth year was an overall great year, you've grown and matured and are really finding yourself. I know that things get hectic, and I know that we don't always agree. I know that, sometimes, we will yell, and other times you will think that we are really tough on you. But, agree or not, yelling or not talking, I am always beyond proud of everything that you are. I hope you know that it is the moments that we share, the conversations that we have, the laughs that are echoed, the games that we play that are the most cherished moments in my life. Ryder, I have so much faith in everything you could become and hope you understand that your abilities are limitless, your heart is huge, and in addition to being brave, you are kind and sensitive and real. These are your super powers, Ryder, use them and use them well.

Happy 11th birthday, Ryder! I love you so.

Mom

The 10th birthday Letter